A rainy day in the city
I have been home and looking for work for two weeks now. I have had two interviews already that look promising and one more on Monday, all in the email marketing/0eCommunications world and I am excited. As things are rather complex for me at the moment, I will stick to what is positive. I should be employed again soon.
Christine is pregnant, this we already have found out. For me this is something I am still struggling to embrace, as I am not really ready to have a child as my personal plan was to own a home before considering such a course of events. Personally, I am uncomfortable with this fact, but if these events are unfolding the way they are, they must be for a reason. It was a reason that we saw each other everywhere we went four years ago as that was when we began dating and it has led us to the Washington, DC area where I am now attending school. Who would have thought? A part of me is trying to be as happy as possible, but to be honest, I am a bit frightened because I know we are in no position financially or environmentally (living in an apartment) to have this happen. I have always been under the mindset that I was going to school and going to get a good job because of my future children; to give them more than I ever received. I want them to play little league and to play softball, to win the science fair and spelling bee. Many of the things I was never allowed to do as a child, I want to see my kids experience and enjoy. I am trying to find a plan, given the circumstances, to make that happen; it is rather uncertain at this point.
Some say that parenting is the toughest job in the world. With our situation it will be giving up our selfish nature to concentrate on the little person in our lives. For both of us, this will be difficult. The good thing is that we are adults and have completed at least our undergraduate education to afford somewhat of a decent living. I guess there isn’t a land called “‘Perfect’ and for everything else there is Walgreens.” I have to accept this reality and work with the hand I am dealt.
Currently in Graduate School, I am doing well. I have never had a problem with writing a paper or understanding the content. I am just questioning what it is that I can do with my degree once I have finished it. I am not going to discontinue my degree, but I am not in deep enough to see where it will take me in the future; to a nonprofit, to the federal government, to a state or local government, who knows?
On another train of thought…have you ever sat back and took in a rainy day. For me it brings to mind getting comfortable, looking out the window into peace, if peace could become a metaphor. Holding a cup of hot chocolate or tea and just staring out the window at the gray sky and wetness and seeing nature rejuvenating itself. I love rainy days. In fact, I love them so much, especially in the month of October, because of the leaves falling and pumpkins and scarecrows and such that it is almost as beautiful as a fresh snow. The kind of snow that you wake up to when no one has stepped foot in it, that isn’t gray with sand from the street or disturbed in any way. A perfect palate, like an Ansel Adams photograph. Something like from a dream. That is what a rainy day means to me. Maybe I didn’t get enough rain when I was in Nevada to appreciate its significance. I just simply love a good rainy day.
What do you think?
